Existential crisis

For a hypothetical addressee.

So you've woken up and realised that in the grand scheme of things, you aren't all that. Congratulations, welcome to the fold and etcetera. You'll be glad to know that you are far from alone.

In fact, what you've gone though happens so often that we have a name for it - existential crisis. Pretty much anyone who doesn't entirely buy into the claims of religion will experience it at some point in their lives, and gradually become aware that their life has no intrinsic worth or meaning.

The vast majority of people are scared by this eventual conclusion. I was one of them. I didn't want to dwell on it - and I dearly wished that I had never opened Pandora's box. You can put off the crisis by distracting yourself, but it grows on you, and demands resolution sooner or later.

Some people, when faced with the prospect of their life having no intrinsic value, turn to religion. They generally resolve the crisis by bathing in the reassuring claims of their favourite faith, and emerge from the crisis a hardcore religionite - utterly convinced of god's existence. They respond to criticism by digging in deeper. To me, taking this path symbolises valuing a reassuring fable above the hard reality. I could never follow this path. I care about the truth too much.

The other path is often taken to be the more difficult to traverse. But to me at least, it was the only real option. As I said, I simply care about the truth too much to take the easier way out.

I resolved my own existential crisis by asking myself a question:

Why is it so important that I be the centre of the universe?

I was unable to answer this question. I still am not. It seems to be a combination of evolutionary heritage and cultural pressures that our happiness (with exceptions like you and me) depends on a belief that we are somehow significant in the grand scheme of things.

I am content not being important. There are things that make me happy in themselves, like writing, being with the people I love, drawing, helping people in need, deep contemplation, music, and appreciation of the natural world outside.

In light of the many gifts we have been blessed with, asking for yet more seems childish. I have enough. I don't need to be the centre of everything to be happy. I'm not that vain.

Once you have conditioned yourself out of the belief that your happiness is tied to you being the centre of the universe, infinity doesn't seem that daunting any more. It's a friend that you've learned to live with.

I hope that you will come with me on the second path.